A Different Kind of Cliff

“Come to the edge,” he said.
They said, “We are afraid.”
“Come to the edge,” he said. They came.
He pushed them…and they flew.
                         - Guillaume Apollinaire


I once had a man tell me that trying to be an ally for women felt like he was standing on the edge of a deep cliff. It seemed the closer he got to actually trying to do something to make a difference, the closer he got to stepping off the ledge, the more reluctant he became. He wasn’t sure of exactly what to do. He didn’t want his good intentions to make matters worse for women. He was frozen from doing anything at all.

So as we begin this New Year surrounded by discussion, frustration and even fear associated with the economic “fiscal cliff,” I want to use this metaphor as a way to introduce some New Year’s Resolutions for 2013. Specifically, practical ideas on how men can become more effective allies for gender equality.

Standing on the edge of a steep drop-off is naturally terrifying. Likewise, anyone resisting the pull of the conforming nature of male organizational leadership traits, behavioral norms, peer pressure, and the largely unrecognized benefits and systemic advantage men enjoy for just being male (all components of privilege), can easily feel like being on the edge of a mile-high cliff. So unless one can fly, it may feel like you’re taking an unnecessary chance.

The perception that many men associate with “breaking rank” with other men is one of unnecessary risk. Fear and anxiety often win out over learning “how to fly.” Hopefully, the following twelve suggestions will lead to positive personal change and action in 2013. Come to the edge and take steps to learn how to fly.

Please note a few of the recommendations are adapted from both Dr. Johnetta Cole’s comments at the Linkage Summit in Atlanta, Georgia (2008) and Charles A. Gallagher’s article, “Ten Simple Things You Can Do to Improve Race Relations.”

1. Confront sexist and bigoted humor and remarks at all times with a simple, “I don’t think that was appropriate. Please stop.” Failing to stand up indicates acceptance of the belief and behavior expressed.
2. Avoid stereotypical language at all times. Develop confidence to directly and politely confront statements from family, friends, and work colleagues such as:  “All women (fill in the blank for other identities also) are like this…,” or “Asians are…,” or “white men can’t do…”
3. Expand individual comfort zones by developing meaningful relationships and exposure to different backgrounds:  gender, racial, ethnic, religious, non-religious, sexual orientation, able-bodiedness, as examples.
4. In addition to personal relationships, expand sources of news, information, books, and entertainment to counterbalance how mass media shapes the images and stereotypes of how we perceive and understand society and each other.
5. Become self-aware and conscious of personal anxieties and tensions towards others who are “different.” Reflect on whether your reaction was created by either societal scripting or peer pressure.
6. Proactively and willingly attend various workshops, conferences and personal development sessions to improve leadership and management competencies in a demographically changing workforce, community and customer base.  Additionally, become a board member or get individually involved with organizations such as the Anti-Defamation League, the Urban League, Catalyst, the Human Rights Campaign, the American Association of Blacks in Energy, the National Society of Hispanic MBAs, the Organization of Chinese Americans, the NAACP, Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), and the Society of Women Engineers, as examples. 
7. Become actively engaged in and committed to your company’s diversity and inclusion initiatives and employee resource groups. 
8. Strategically invite outside speakers to address and engage executive leadership and employee groups. 
9. Recommend and become involved with efforts to benchmark your organization against other companies recognized as “best places” to work.  Additionally, commit to being mentored by a peer or someone above your organizational rank from outside your own company who is different from you by gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc.
10. Learn about, identify, and admit your points of power and privilege without embarrassment and guilt. Use your points of power and privilege to create equity and fairness for all. Tell your story. Give voice to your journey. Share your epiphanies and struggles.
11. Teach and share your learning’s with family and friends…even before professional colleagues. Most importantly, teach by example, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
12. Don’t wait on someone else to lead the way. Begin the journey in your personal circle of influences.  

 
Questions for MARC readers to consider:

1. What other recommendations would you add to the list?
2. What does it mean to be an “ally” in both your personal and professional lives?